We say that it's about time someone figured this one out!

But be warned, this is not for the faint-hearted.  You have to go all the way with this one—no half measures.

First, you strip off all the flooring in all your rooms and pour concrete slabs with drain holes in the middle of each room.  (We believe that you might be able to get color-tinted concrete to go with your decor.)

Install a heavy-duty fire sprinkler system in all rooms and ask your Hubby to connect a thingamajig that you can use to add detergent into the system.

Then, make sure that all surfaces are washable and/or that books and valuables are stored safely off-site or in water-proof containers.

Now, simply set a timer for the whole thing to go off at scheduled times (or when the noise gets to a certain level).

As an added bonus, if you can surprise your family and catch them before they run outside, you can get the laundry and showers done at the same time!

Sure hope you didn't get started on that project yet! Actually, we have two great tips for an easy-clean house.

•  Remove clutter with the four-box dejunking method that we explained in detail in Newsletter #128.

•  Don't invite the dirt inside in the first place.  Read Don Aslett's article about door mats.

•  Get "Speed Clean Tips From Cleaning Pros" at organizedhome.com.

And we really mean work!  Have all your children line up on a starting line (easily drawn with chalk on your new concrete floors).

The idea is for them to run, skip, jump, roll, or swing all over the house until all the chores are done.  They may not stop moving until everything is finished.  (When you are out driving, point out joggers running in place at stop lights.)

Have their course outlined before they start.  This is similar to the "Run, Swim, Cycle" triathlon races that athletic people know about.  Your course might take them through their bedrooms to make beds and gather dirty clothes, then into the laundry room, then on to care for the pets, and then into the kitchen and the bathrooms.

Of course you can make this experience more meaningful and get double school hours by having them chant their multiplication tables or spelling words as they go.

Why? you ask.  Well, it just got a little carried away, that's all.  Sometimes a good thing can do that, you know.

But there are a few good principles hidden in that extreme example.

•  Alternate study with activities such as chores or walks.

•  Teach your children to do chores and enjoy doing a job well.  Read "7 Ways To Teach Family Responsibility through Chores" in Newsletter #45.

This is something that your whole family can really get into if you build it large enough—a time machine!

Just set the controls for the time and place of your choice.  (Of course, the nearer the place and the more recent the century, the fewer number of times you will have to hear, "Are we there yet?")

We hate to burst this lovely daydream, but . . .

. . . We guess the hands-on part of history study will need to be confined to period costumes, food, reconstructions, and reenactments.  Actually, that can be more comfortable than time travel—considering the modern conveniences you would have to leave behind, not to mention your own bed.

Looking for a science project?  Well, here's a little secret.  You know those jokes about the mold in the refrigerator?  Think about it.

Plan ahead by restraining yourself from cleaning out your refrigerator for several weeks (by actual experience, months give you a wider range of molds to study!).

Then get out all your old leftovers and spread them out on the table.  Now call your children around to examine the containers with mold growth.

Ignore comments like, "Oh, no, are we having this for dinner again;" and do not be distracted by the child in the corner holding his nose and making funny noises.

Now start your study.  What?  You don't know what comes next?

This just goes to prove that even if you have a great teaching opportunity and the willing children to go with it, you still need a lesson plan!

If home schoolers are going to be known all through their lives as those who grow their science experiments in the refrigerator, then we had better get that lesson down pat!

You can study mold using a mold terrarium (we're not making this up!) if you inadvertently cleaned your refrigerator.

•  See directions and explanations for a mold terrarium.

•  Read about the scientific method at Home Science Tools.

There's only one real way to teach the multiplication tables—memorization.

Yes, there are many ways to make this essential endeavor more interesting or understandable.  However, when you get right down to it, the instant recall needed to succeed (without pain and frustration) in all math, can come only from a sure and solid neurological path developed by repetition.  (This is why memory is the first stage of the classical system of education.)

However, you can, and should, broaden understanding and application of learning math facts in the following ways:

•  Use manipulatives (see below) to picture concepts.

•  Discuss and solve everyday problems that call for knowledge of math facts.

•  Drill facts in related combinations of addition and subtraction, or multiplication and division.  Print or order triangular math facts cards.

•  Learn the multiplication table to music.  Order "Classical Math to Classical Music" from Sing 'n Learn.

•  Review consistently.

•  Reinforce with games.

This is one of those why-didn't-I-think-of-that!  ideas that seem to stare one right in the face.

First, buy 100 tubes of toothpaste.  You might want to wait until there is a sale on your favorite toothpaste, or just buy the cheapest kind you find.

Carefully squeeze all the paste into a gallon jar.  You might need to go heavy on the dill pickles for several weeks ahead of time so that you can get the empty jar free.  Otherwise, buy the kind of gallon jar with the spigot in the bottom to make getting the toothpaste out easier.

Now smooth out the empty toothpaste tubes—and voila!—100 free math manipulatives!

The problem with this idea is that your children will have entirely too much fun preparing the manipulatives and miss the point altogether!

Seriously, manipulatives are a great way to demonstrate math concepts!  You can use (almost) any objects around the house.  However, manipulatives designed to teach math do offer many advantages.

•  Look for math manipulatives at your home-school convention or book fair this spring (see information in this newsletter) or order from Cornerstone Curriculum.

Let's just get this over with quickly.  Teach only one sound for each letter.  Then grab any old book you find lying around (unless they are all boxed up in your storage unit so that your house can clean itself).

Have your child sound out only the first letter of each word and then guess what the word is by the context (the first word is the hardest) or the illustrations (this will go a lot faster with picture books).

Sorry!  We have to confess that this idea was stolen from a public school before a child was removed and taken home to be home schooled.

Instead, here are two suggestions:

•  Read a short, but comprehensive, overview of teaching your child to read with phonics in Newsletter #19.

•  Order Valerie Bendt's Reading Made Easy, a complete program for teaching your child to read in one book, made simple by being fully scripted—tells you exactly what to say!

•  For students of any age, order Beyond Phonics to master spelling, fluent reading and vocabulary easily with word pattern stories.  One textbook covers grade levels 1-12; remedial for all ages.

First, select a location that only allows students above the age of 21 (no, very mature 4-year-olds don't qualify) to tour.  (This is because of their insurance policy, you know.)  This will cut way down on your work.

Then pass around a sign-up list at your support group meeting and secretly tear it up and dispose of the scraps when no one is looking.  This will save you no end of frustration with no-shows.

Of course you need to call the locations to make arrangements—find out where all the rest rooms are along the tour route and the times they are not being cleaned so that you will know when to schedule your tour.

As the day approaches, arrange to be out of the house from 6:00 a.m. to around midnight the day before the field trip (use this time to get caught up with all those pesky errands!).

When you get home, erase all messages without listening to them as they usually cancel themselves out anyway:  "Oh, hello, what time is the trip?,"  "Oh, never mind, Ruth Ann just called and told me,"  "Please ignore my previous two (or more) messages, Johnny's finger got caught in the fire sprinkler (he had just read about a little Dutch boy . . . well, you know), and we can't go anyway.  Sure hope this doesn't cause any problems for you!  We really do appreciate your willingness to organize this field trip, etc., etc."  (Aw, sweeter sentiments were never heard!)

It doesn't really matter what you do after this because it will all be a blur afterwards anyway.

This really isn't the ideal way to plan (or for that matter, participate in!) a field trip.

Actually, you can pretty well run this tip in reverse and figure it out yourself.

•  See lots of tips, forms to print out, and links to more information online.

Oops!  We didn't get very far on that one.

It is true that nothing worthwhile is easy.  Besides that, if we seek to train our children to love and serve the Lord, we can expect attacks on every hand by the enemy of our souls!

Home schooling isn't easy, but the Lord has promised us His wisdom, guidance, love, and strength.  "If God be for us, who can be against us?"  (Romans 8:31)

The theme of many of the letters from our readers (found in the back issues of The Teaching Home) is "home schooling can be hard, but it is very worthwhile!"

•  Read some of these letters online.

•  Read "Why the Lord Is Your Best Support" in Newsletter #49.

This is a no-brainer.  You just postpone your home schooling until you get to heaven!  The advantages are obvious:

•  You will have plenty of time—all the time in the world.

•  You, your children, and even your spouse will be perfect.

•  No chores, cooking, diapers, errands, etc. to distract.

As you can readily see this will make everything go, oh, so much more smoothly!

This really isn't an "April Fool," as it is the only way to be the perfect home schooler.

But down here on earth there is no perfect home schooler (not that we have ever heard anyone claim to be one).  Everyone is just afraid that there is such a thing, and that they are not one.

None of the dear families pictured on the covers of The Teaching Home magazine believed they were perfect.  In fact, if they had thought that they would be considered "perfect," they probably would not have consented to be photographed!

Of course we all see others at their best and ourselves at our worst.  So if you are prone to comparing yourself with others, you are sure to come out last.

The other extreme is to find something bad about others (who seem to be doing so well), in order to prop ourselves up and make us feel better.

Let's all recognize that we don't have to be perfect to be the best we can be with the Lord's help, and then rejoice in our own and others' accomplishments.