"How good and pleasant it is
when brothers live in unity!"
(Psalm. 133:1)

I began to collect Norman Rockwell prints as a girl.  At 17 my favorite Christmas gift was a giant book of Norman Rockwell paintings and Saturday Evening Post Covers.  I loved the detail, the nostalgic scenes and faces, and I would spend hours poring over the pages.

Norman Rockwell's painting "Freedom from Want" from the "Four Freedoms" series depicts three generations enjoying a holiday meal.  I long for loving, peaceful family moments like this.

When my mother was asked what she wanted for Christmas, she would always respond, "I just want a family that will get along together."

We did have our share of conflicts, and maybe that was the beginning of my fascination with Rockwell paintings.  Warm meaningful moments are frequent themes of Rockwell's work, and I wanted moments like that in my family.

This desire for peace in my home continued on in my adulthood.  Buried deep in my decision to home school was a desire for a conflict-free family.

My strategy for peace during the holidays when I was younger was to try to create an environment that encouraged Rockwellian moments, either through food, decorations, or working hard to make things "just right."

When conflict got the best of me, and I could deny the problem no longer, I would escape, at first to my room, and then as an adult, to my own home, where the problems were different, less intense.

Even when conflict arose in my own home, my attempts at peace were based more on avoidance because I really didn't know how to face the problems.

During the holidays, especially as the children got older, the stress and pressure of trying to make things "just right," along with home schooling, resulted in more conflict.

My efforts to create peace weren't diffusing conflict, but were causing it!

How grateful I am that God has provided a way out of my holiday-conflict cycle.

After years of attempting to create a conflict-free environment, I have come to understand that conflict is inevitable in a fallen world.

The goal is not to eradicate conflict, (or put a Rockwellian facade on life), but to see the opportunity for God to use it for good.  This opportunity begins with my responding to personal conflict in a biblical manner.

This is good news in everyday life, and even more so in the hustle and bustle of the holidays.

Let me describe some peacemaking principles that will help you provide a little peace on earth in your own home this season.

The principles which allow us to experience peace during the holidays are the same ones that will allow us to enjoy positive family relationships during the New Year.

If a conflict should arise, try using personal peacemaking principles.

"A man's wisdom gives him patience;
it is to his glory to overlook an offense."
(Proverbs 19:11)

Many disputes can be completely resolved by quietly overlooking an offense and forgiving the one who has wronged you.

What bothers us now, might actually be a small matter, and the goal is not my way, but God's way.

"If . . . your brother has something against you
. . . go and be reconciled."
(Matt. 5:23-24)

Personal wrongs that are too serious to overlook should be resolved through confession or loving confrontation.

Remember, though, that before we confront someone with what he has done, we must get the "log" out of our own eye by recognizing how we may have contributed to the conflict and confessing that wrong first (Matt. 7:5).

Having admitted that, we can graciously talk to the other person about the matter that has come between us.

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests,
but also to the interests of others."
(Phil. 2:4)

Perhaps one of the main reasons we get involved in conflict in the first place is that we want our own way and don't see anything but our own desires.

This Christmas when you find yourself getting upset with someone, ask yourself what the other person might actually want and look for a way to meet a need for him or her.

Inquiring graciously about the other person's interests, rather than simply pushing for our own interests can help keep a conflict from causing damage.

I still enjoy Rockwell paintings.  I have an entire wall in my home dedicated to my favorites.

I still strive for peace in my family, but not by recreating a perfect Norman Rockwell scene there.  And I no longer routinely escape when the peace is interrupted by discord.

Instead, I seek to glorify God through my response to the conflicts.

May your relationships be more harmonious this Christmas and your best gift to others be that of peacemaking!

Annette Friesen is the Intake Coordinator for the Institute for Christian Conciliation at Peacemaker Ministries, an international ministry committed to equipping and assisting Christians and their churches to respond to conflict biblically.  Rick and Annette have graduated three of their four children from home schooling. They have been support group leaders, convention coordinators, and served on three state homeschooling boards.  Rick and Annette currently work for Peacemaker Ministries and make their home in Billings, Montana.

Copyright 2005 Peacemaker Ministries, www.Peacemaker.net.  Reprinted with permission.

Whoever first said raising children is a challenge should be inducted into the Understatement Hall of Fame.

Children offer their parents continuous – and bountiful – blessing, true.  They can be the picture of innocence, little independent units of humanity with bright, sparkling eyes and completely candid emotions.  And when brought up to trust and love their Lord, they gladden many a parental heart.

But they, like the rest of us, were born into sin.  And, as sinners, their hearts and minds are naturally inclined toward evil.  This propensity toward sin plays itself out in many areas of kids' lives.

Jesus put Christian behavior in proper perspective when He was asked to identify the most important commandment.  He said,

"Love the Lord your God
with all your heart
and with all your soul
and with all your mind.

"This is the first and greatest commandment."

But then He added the second greatest:

"Love your neighbor as yourself."
(Matthew 22:37- 39)

We can show our love for God through public worship, daily times of prayer and Bible study, and by giving to ministries that advance His kingdom.

But He also calls us to demonstrate our love for Him by loving other people in concrete ways:

"He has given us this command:
Whoever loves God must also love his brother."
(1 John 4:21)

In a fallen world, such love for others does not come naturally.  Nobody has to teach us to put "me" first; we do not need instruction on how to be selfish.

And, if you didn't know it before you had children, you certainly know it after: Nobody has to teach kids to fight.

Love for other human beings is a gift of God, given primarily through the gracious work of the Holy Spirit, who changes our hearts and gives us a growing desire and ability to love other people (see Philippians 2:13).

But God has also chosen to involve people, especially parents, in this educational process, using us to model and teach how to love one another.

This fact has a profound effect on how we raise our children.  For the truth is, we must, with God's help, teach our children to respect others, live with others, and most importantly, love others.

If our children are to live lives pleasing to God, they will need education in how to get along with their siblings and friends.  And to do this, they must know how to properly resolve conflicts even amongst themselves.  In short, they must be taught peacemaking.

And we, their parents, must be the teachers.

Our churches may contribute to this goal, but when it comes to instructing our children in getting along with others, in resolving conflicts amongst themselves, parents must assume the primary responsibility to model and teach how to love others as God commands (see 1 John 3:23; Deuteronomy 6:6-7; Ephesians 6:4).

To fulfill this important responsibility, parents must learn to see this matter as God sees it.  Through Scripture, God teaches us that relationships invariably involve conflict.  He also teaches that we should be prepared to respond to these conflicts in a variety of constructive ways.

 •  Some conflicts call for friendly discussion, teaching, or respectful debate (see John 3:1-21; 2 Timothy 2:24-26).

 •  In other situations we should overlook offenses, lay down rights, and do good to those who wrong us (see Luke 6:27-28; 9:51-56; Matthew 17:24-27).

 •  Sometimes love requires gentle confrontation or a firm rebuke (see John 4:1-42; Matthew 23:13-29).

 •  Above all, we need to be willing to forgive others just as in Christ God forgave us (see Luke 23:34; Ephesians 4:32).

As these passages indicate, getting along with other people requires a loving heart and a wide array of conflict resolution skills.  In other words, it requires peacemaking.

Since all of life involves relationships and all relationships are prone to conflict, peacemaking is a key to success in life.  This is as true for our children as it is for us.

Therefore, the first requirement for teaching children to be peacemakers is to show that peacemaking skills are necessary if they want to succeed in their Christian life.

Peacemaking skills are especially important for any Christian who wants to be faithful to Christ in our increasingly godless culture.

Consider Daniel and Esther, who lived in cultures that were completely hostile to their faith.  Even when they faced life-or-death conflicts, they never compromised their spiritual integrity or commitment to God.  They trusted in God and practiced some of the shrewdest conflict resolution found in Scripture.  Amazingly, they not only survived, but they thrived as God blessed their efforts and moved them to pinnacles of influence in their societies.

If our children learn these same skills at a young age, they too may be used of God in places of ministry or for political or corporate influence beyond our imaginations.

Kids need to learn that peacemaking is essential to their Christian witness. Jesus said,

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples,
if you love one another."
(John 13:35)

If our children are at odds with those around them, their attempts to witness will be fruitless.  But if they learn how to love and be reconciled with those who wrong them, others are more likely to believe them when they talk about the love and forgiveness of God (John 17:23).

Peacemaking is also crucial for success in professional and vocational life.

I have worked as a corporate engineer, a lawyer, and a ministry executive.  I have hired, promoted, and fired people.  These decisions were rarely based primarily on a person's technical skills.

What I have valued most in an employee or manager is the ability to work as part of a team, to maintain strong relationships, and to build consensus so a group's gifts and energies stay focused on the project at hand.

These are the skills of a peacemaker, and they are the same skills that will help your children succeed in the vocations to which God calls them.

Peacemaking is a key ingredient in a fulfilling marriage and a happy family (and a guard against divorce).

Marriage brings two sinners into close proximity, where their selfish desires rub against each other day after day.  Friction increases when God adds "little sinners" to the mix!